I feel I need to present the rest of the family. Dylan is the youngest in his family. His older brother Ralph lives up north with his 'bit-on-the-side', Yvonne, whom he's engaged to now; more on that later. Dylan also has a sister, Marylin, who is the middle child. Marilyn just turned 40 years old, lives at home with Gale and almost all of our friends who meet her believe she's a lesbian. Everyone in the family denies this, seeing as in the past 10 years she's had many a boyfriend. Also to remind herself and others she likes men, she keeps pics of half-naked 'hunks' in her bedroom, on her desk, on her mobile, even on her Facebook profile.
"It's a shame really", that seems to be the concensus about M's love life. By her own admission she is not the 'mummy' type, but she would have like to have found a man to commit to and who would commit to her. Unfortunately she meets the oddest men in the oddest places. She plays every sport under the sun, hockey, rugby, cricket, football, I know what you're thinking, but she's not a lesbian!, although she says about eighty percent of her friends are.
I would have no problems with her being a lesbian. Personally I think if she did come out she'd be happier and suffer less bouts of depression. But her mum does frown upon "the gays"; one of Gale's many objectionable views.
Now, don't start feeling too sympathetic towards Marilyn. She's can be really selfish, which is ironic. You would think that she would have put that selfish attitude into saying, "you know what!? I give up on men, I've always been into women so you can lump it!" But no, instead she is selfish in other ways. Mainly towards her family. She's utterly devoted to her friends. She's always been like this, Dylan explains to me. It hurts me a lot to see photos on Facebook of her gallavanting with her kids' friends in all sorts of places while she doesn't make an effort to see our kids, her own niece and nephew. She's doesn't show them any interest and in five years has only babysat once! She doesn't even call to see how they are. Not even on their birthdays,and I believe she wouldn't be able to tell you when their birthdays are. Truly the most painful thing is to know and have evidence to the fact that she has the ability and the motivation to do this for her mates' kids and not for ours. I mean, they are blood! And unfortunately Marilyn's their only auntie as I've got no sisters.
I have a younger brother, Mario. At home I was the first born and the girl. In a Latin family that means a lot. It means you are groomed from the very beginning to be a matriarch. I was expected to excel at school and do chores at home. By the time I was a teenager I could run a household quite easily. I used to do the family's groceries shopping, helped with the cleaning, laundry, running errands, etc. And I was one of those annoying straight A's students with all the good report cards and teachers' notes on the fridge for every visitor to admire.
My parents were a bit more lenient with my brother because he had a different temperament. He was more social (was allowed to be), he was more playful (had time to be), and was more affectionate (had less expectations on his shoulders). Mario was a cocky teenager, full of himself and uber-obnoxious. But he grew up, matured and learned from his mistakes. Now he's a well-adjusted member of society, earning a nice salary doing Finance for one of the world's largest banking corporations, is married and has a newborn son. He attends church regularly in the weekends, runs marathons, and best of all loves his niece and nephew.
At first Mario was jealous of D, actually not really true, he once confessed to me after a big fight we had before D and I got married, that he was jealous of the relationship I had with D. He questioned why I was never like I was with D with him, fun and friendly. For a few years I had no affectionate feelings towards my brother, I found him abusive and manipulative. And I used to resent how my parents expected him to do less and be less 'perfect' which in a weird way made him excel in almost everything with half the effort I put into things.
Fortunately, my brother understood that my relationship with D was totally different from mine and his and that as young adults we had the liberty to start to build a new brother-sister relationship with the benefit of hindsight, which we've done. We get along really well now, and D and him get on too. When we are over in the States my brother makes an effort in trying to get to know D more and spend time with the kids as he ony sees them about once a year.
Now I can go back to the story about Dylan's brother, Ralph, which has an tremendous impact on the whole family and adds a considerable amount of mess to my relationship with G.
Ralph is Gale's first boy. Her spitting image (with a penis). Likes the "good stuff" in life, posh houses, posh cars, posh clothes, Posh with a capital P. Except his story is more white trash than Palin's.
As a youth Ralph was a bit, well I'll just say, he still supports Millwall, I hope that paints some sort of image for you. But if it doesn't, this guy is the kind of tosser who is nothing extraordianry but thinks he's God's gift to the world. He's a glorified car sales man, and has worked several jobs at very high levels. He's got the gift of the gab or is it gob?, I'm still learning my Brit expressions. So he's done fairly well for himself, but calls his mum with a sob story every few months about not being able to pay the mortgage even though he wears £500+ suits and is off on holidays constatly.
I don't mean to sound envious or bitter. In fact, I find him a bit of a joke. To me he's the male form of 'mutton dressed as lamb'. But he's the twinkle in his mother's eye. That is, he is number 1 in her heart now, since Dylana's gone down the tottem pole or fallen off the pedestal altogether.
To continue with the story of Ralph, gosh! I knew he was a prominet figure in all this, but I never thought I would be dedicating so much of this blog to the f****r. Right, he got Jill pregnant when he was 19 years old. Jill was 8 years older than him. His mum threw a fit but then forgave all and had the wedding at her house. Shotgun wedding over, baby Vanessa is born. The family loved her, Dylan was very close to her as he was a very young uncle indeed and used to spend a lot of time playing with her. Then Jill and Ralph have baby number too, Matt, who looks like Jill's mum which Gale doesn't like. The family loved baby Matt.
Then Ralph moved Jill and his kids up north where Jill's family lived and settled there for 20 years. Off on business trips he met Yvonne and started relationship with her while still married to Jill. Kept going backwards and forwards between Jill and Yvonne. Messed the kids up. The "kids" were 19 years old and 16 years old by then, which is a very critical stage in anyone's life. Add to the stresses of that age what's going on with your dad's mid-life crisis and BOOM!
Vanessa started defending her mum and having a go at her dad which Gale could not tolerate. At first Gale wasn't pleased about having to accept Yvonne, but then took to it like duck on water and started bad mouthing Jill who had been so loving towards her for years. Jill was the perfect daughter-in-law, didn't share her opinions and just went with the flow; but then again she only had to see her in-laws a few times a year and had her own family right next door. I think I could have been a loving daughter-in-law in those conditions, unfortunately mine was a different fortune.
Things between Vanessa and Raph detereorated pretty quickly to the point of no return. He wasn't at her wedding and hasn't met her baby. Gale and Marilyn have also received the same treatment for taking Ralph's side and forgiving all his trespasses without considering Jill, Vanessa, and Matt's needs.
Dylan and I are on a different wavelength and don't approve of Ralph's behaviour. We feel what he did was truly awful, espcially not ending the relationship with Jill straight away once he was with Yvonne. And what we can't forget is that the mid-life crisis turned out to be the same kettle of fish, now he's engaged, he's got another mortgage, baby C, and another baby on the way. So it's like he deleted his old life and uploaded a new one.
What we can't understand and will never know, I suppose, is how it all came about. Jill and Ralph were made for eachother, they were affectionate with each other even in public, which is not a very British thing to do so it's unsual to see. They used to 'read' each other's minds when we played pictionary and win every round. Jill was slim, beautiful, kind, funny and seemed to still find Ralph attractive. The kids were typically difficult teenagers but nice and interesting people.
I am still in touch with Vanessa. Dylan and I are the only ones in this side of the family who have met her baby. Dylan keeps a safe distance and sends her messages through me. It's a bone of contention to the rest of the family that I dare to speak to 'she' who spoke her mind and told her father some home truths.
So now you're getting a better idea of the kind of person Gale is. The sort of person who disowns her favourite and first-born granddaughter for having opinions different to her own and daring to express them. I envy Vanessa in so many ways. I don't have the luxury to block her out of my life entirely as Gale's still my kids' grandmother, even though she doesn't act like it; more on that later. And Gale's still my husband's mother who cared for him when he was younger and for the last ten years has made him cry several times, punch a hole through a wooden door, and scream his misery at the top of his lungs too many times at home behind closed doors... but never at her.